I’ve wanted to write for a while. My head is filled constantly with random thoughts, things that interest me, (“Oh, I should google that when I get home”) and lately, memories of my childhood, that can come out of nowhere and take my breath away. It seems as if turning 50 last year has been a major milestone for me, mentally and emotionally. I’m finally at that point where I know that I’m not invincible any longer, and that there’s more time behind me than there is ahead of me. It’s a very sobering thought and I find myself becoming very introspective and sad at times at these realizations.
I probably should preface that by saying that I am a nurse. I see the worst case scenarios with many a patient and many an illness and I am often left to wonder what is going to happen to me as I age. Will I even have the chance to grow ‘old’? We, as nurses, are severely short staffed now – will there even be someone to care for me if and when I need it? And the horrors that come from the thought that one day I WILL most definitely need it. Certain patients and the things they endured in an effort to get well – they haunt me sometimes. Craziness! It can also be hard to find happiness in the ever crazy world we now live in. (Told ya, I ramble!!)
As I was strolling along the beach this AM awaiting the sunrise, these thoughts and more crowded into my head, along with random thoughts, things like “where have all the seashells gone, it seems as if there were so many when I was a kid’, ‘I really don’t want to go to work tomorrow’, ‘oh look, a new sea turtle nest’, ‘where are all of the dead jellyfish coming from’, “I really need to write a review for that book I just read’, ‘I really should just get my head in gear and start writing – or blogging – about all of this!’. Then I wonder about the blog – will anyone read it? Am I boring? How will people find me? Do I want them to? What if they ‘figure out’ it’s me? And do I care? Ahhh, the life of a type A , private introvert…
So without further ado, here we go! Maybe you’ll find me, maybe you wont. Maybe I’ll get bored in a week and will have wasted the $$ I spent to get this thing up and running, but maybe I wont….
OMJ – just went to post this, hit a wrong button, and thought I lost it forever. They joys of being old-er and trying to learn some new software… (sigh).